I can't believe I'm here for help using Facebook, of all things, but I've tried everything and am at my wit's end. This problem has existed for years, but I recently installed the android app again and had to immediately disable notifications which made me try to fix it again.

The problem: I get all sorts of nonsense notifications, via email, push on android, and in the little world-icon page in the web app. These notifications are things like "Joe posted a status update" or "Lisa shared a post". None of these people are in my "Close Friends" list (which has exactly one person). On the android and web "notifications" page I've disabled updates about friends as well.

What I want is just notifications that directly involve me (posts on my page, comments on my photos, etc.)

This is really frustrating, because I use facebook probably once a week at most (more often once a month), and I'm swarmed with dozens of notifications about people I really don't care about, and that causes me to actually miss things I care about, and upset people because I don't respond to them (aka, I'm tired of my mom calling me up to ask why I didn't "put the thumbs up" on her comment). It also makes any notifications on android totally unusable, so I had to disable those at the system level.

I found this post: Force Facebook to not display any notification about friends' activity but that seems to be about the news feed. I actually want these people to show up in the news feed (although I could live without it), I just don't want my freaking phone going off when they post a dumb photo, and I don't want them to show up in the "world icon" notification page on the web and drown out every other notification.

If a professional software developer can't figure out how to disable this junk, I can't imagine how the rest of the world does it (or maybe they like this "feature"?). I've heard rumors that this may be a marketing "feature" that I can't disable, and even friends of mine who used to work at Facebook can't help me... anyone here have any idea what's going on?

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