OK, it turns out FB was just blowing us off. (fix below message from FB) This was their one and only response after several attempts over several weeks (before and after sept 21) . Of course we found this today in a spam folder.
From: Facebook firstname.lastname@example.org
Sent: Monday, September 21, 2020 11:02 AM
To: Gl Nm <@.com>
Does she still have access to the email ID associated with this Facebook account?
Click on forgot password and follow the link/instructions you receive on that email
If you're logged in but have forgotten your password, follow the steps under Change Your Password then click Forgot your password? and follow the steps to reset it. Keep in mind that ...